masquerade; paper faces on parade

Sunday, February 27, 2005
Antony and Cleopatra... a classic play..

It's the first time i think that YJ has actually showcased a drama production in school and that yesterday's performance was really superb! It was a class of its own and my.. did George Spencer really put in a lot of effort to make the play a success. The play was great because it incorporated drama, humour and also is educational to the audience. In the play, i could actually see Spencer's lesson and theories about the couple Antony and Cleopatra come alive.

For the almost 2 1/2 hours of the play, i was captivated and throughout it, i could actually recall all the things that i prepared for the text at As. It reminded me of the things that i studied and of the results which are coming out soon... *sigh* i am feeling anxious as per all the other exam results that i have received.. like PSLE, O levels, Piano exam results... but this time, though i've learnt not to expect too much.. i feel that i've done my best and the exam results should be what i ought to receive for my effort. haiZzzzz~~

Yesterday, i felt proud to be part of YJ.. i felt that i was proud to be a student from there.. I was proud to be a student of Mr. Spencer. No matter what people thought about the school and the people (some say they are cheena - i'm guilty of that actually), i feel that God really had an alternative plan for me by putting me there.. haha~ and I'm glad.

I've learnt to put all my faith and trust in God more and that i realised that no matter what happens, He is always my shepherd and my guiding light. He loves me just as much as He loves every single person who believes in Him, who trusts in Him and most of all, who open their heart to Him. I hope that my faith in God will remain strong and not falter. Because, it has faltered many times already. Fellow Brothers and Sisters in Christ, if you are reading this.. please cont to pray for me... and pray that I would one day be certain in maintaining my relationship with Jesus Christ and continue my walk with Him.

thanks a lot.

take care and God Bless.

*sMiLeZzz*

*queen pat* 8:10 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, February 23, 2005
the alternative path din seem dat bad after all...

HahAa~ This photo was taken only yesterday (22.02.05). Those who know me must be thinking "WHAT THE HECK? HAVEN'T YOU FINISHED SCHOOL? AND WHY ARE YOU IN AC UNIFORM?" ^.^ Well, it really is me and xinyi in AC uniform and we crashed AC yesterday. Haha.. she invited and i accepted. Well, those who don't know Xinyi.. esp those who know me in the earlier years of my life.. She's my best pal!!! We got to know each other in AC.. n since then, been great pals till today. Though it's only been about 2 years into our friendship, I feel as though i know her for years. Haha..

First of all, i wanted to crash AC coz i haven't been there in ages. I love the school a lot.. and going back there was really exciting for me. However, my mum was really sceptical about me crashing the school that she freaked out in the morning when i left the house in the uniform. She said, "A levels coming out next week.. I don't want you to get into trouble with MOE and do you know it is illegal to pretend to be a student from AC?" hAHA.. she caused me to freak out too. The MRT train ride was extremely aggravating for me and the 1st AC person i saw was Shaun Kok (AISS junior)! I kinda panicked coz i was really afraid of getting into unnecessary questioning and trouble. Then there was assembly, and XY and i posed as J2s. And the 1st time for 2005, we sang the national anthem and said the pledge. Gosh.. i miss being a student!

Touring around AC and reminiscing the days of 1st 3 months was really great. I really remembered the fun times i had with my class 1SB6 (Jan-Mar)'2003 and the craziness of orientation. Thoughts like, "what would have happened if i had stayed on?" and "would i have been happier?". What i actually miss most about AC was the monday chapel and also the morning devotions. Mrs Valerie Wilson (VP of AC) gave a devotion on Decision Making. She actually wished all those getting their A level results all the best and that she prayed that God will help us make good decisions after getting our As. I don't know why, but i felt really happy when she said so.

Going back to AC was like closing the book of all my "what if?" questions. Like "what if i had stayed in AC? what if i had gotten into student council? what if i had just persisted with Kelvyna Chan and pushed my way through enrolment? what if i had to wake up every morning at 5.30am, would i have survived studying for As?" I became thankful for the good experience i had in 1st 3 months and for the friends i have made in AC. I became thankful for Yj coz it allowed me to be in basketball team, allowed me to obtain my wish of going to National Top 4, allowed me to go to OBS, allowed me to know so many different friends and allowed me to sleep a little more each day by waking up at 6.30. I became so thankful that the pain and disappointment i had towards myself, my decisions, my O levels and my life, all slowly began to ease away.

Going to Temasek Poly's open house with Eunice also made me stop thinking of "what if i had gone to poly? would i still be who i am today? what sort of person would i be?". The most important thing that i realised was that, i have already gone down a certain path and it was no point looking back and even regretting. We would never know what would happen if we had gone the other route but most importantly is that we learn from our experiences of today. Nobody can tell what would happen if we had gone another way, we can only speculate. Even if we speculate, it may not be true and accurate at all.

The neoprint which we took is a way of remembering these things and that I truly enjoyed myself yesterday as it really made me wake up and realise all these lessons.

Oh ya, yesterday i bumped into a friend whom i haven't seen since Oct 2004. I was surprised to see him because it was in the middle of a zebra crossing of Orchard and he knows i'm from YJ. haha~ Felt so bad that i seemed like a "traitor". =P Anyway, it was surprising because 1. i was just talking about him to Xinyi just before i met him and that she was the 1st friend of mine who actually got to be formally introduced to him. Well, just to let you people know.. he's the person whom i wrote the poem i posted earlier. ^.^

Hahaha....... (not funny actually.. it's kinda hurting inside) but i have to move on.

*sMiLeZzz*

Take care and God Bless.

*queen pat* 10:13 PM 1 comments

Monday, February 21, 2005
me n my nephew...

I simply love Ariel... He's so cute!!! Gosh.. He's my nephew who's a hyperactive and cute little boy, Only a yr old and he's already running around the house!!!Laughing, giggling, acting coy and even shy! He's simply adorable and sweet.. haha~ But I only see him like once in a blue moon.. coz he stays in Jakarta. :( So, i only spend like 2 hours with him every time he comes by to Singapore with his mummy and daddy. haha~ Still remember how he tried to walk around the house but he was simply too small! BUT now.. he's runnin' man!!! Yeah! i see a potential erm.. tennis player? hahA~ no idea man..

Just lookin' forward to seeing him again.. till den.. miss him, love him and simply adore him... awW.. shucks.

*SmiLeZzZ*

take care n God bless.

*queen pat* 8:54 PM 0 comments

Saturday, February 19, 2005
marriage vs singlehood

would u marry someone you love or someone who loves you?

i have been thinking about this for a very long time... through secondary school, through JC.. n even now.. through the holidays.. Love is a very complex thing to me... because it is really up to the heart to decide who to love, when to love and how to love. For me, i haven't got much experience with Love and am kind of thankful for that coz i don't feel stressed by it... like some frens who are stressed by BGR, infatuations and crushes.. whereas for me.. though i tink and worry about them too, i always manage to save myself from falling too deep. Hence, I really can't see myself marrying someone i love... but maybe someone who loves me.

To marry someone I love, means to be giving more to the person and receiving less because the person may not generally love me as much as i love him. Hence, I would gradually get tired and just lose interest in the person. Besides, it's hard to give more than you receive coz it would ultimately cost a hole in the heart.. or even a broken one.

To marry someone who loves me, may seem easier... because I can be touched by the many things that he is willing to do for me.. n finally, i would probably love him as much. Or even, because of him loving me more, things are easier as he would probably listen to what I say. hahaA~ oops.. I'm so domineering already!!! haha.. just joking about him listening to me. I'll take that back. Well, as many people say, quote: "Love has to be cultivated" . I agree with that and so I believe in marrying someone who loves me more than i love him.

I know my explanations are very short and a bit.. haha~ incomplete.. But i guess we're all teens and thinking along the same frequency rite? Haha.. so it should be easy to understand what i mean. Add comments if you have any questions or arguments, okie?

*sMiLeZz*

Take care and God bless.

*queen pat* 11:04 PM 1 comments

Friday, February 18, 2005
i love eeyore~

i simply love eeyore.... the picture reminds me of wat a innocent and angelic character Eeyore is.. so down to earth and so sweet... That's y i love him so much... How i wish a person like him does exist.. but it's impossible. Anyway, today's blog is just simple n sweet.. I LOVE EEYORE.. hahaA~

*queen pat* 11:51 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
crazy.. siao... shen jing bing... gila!

i'm crazee.. goin to be crazy n soon gonna be admitted to hougang chalet....

Hey YJcianz.. u remember the time when we had house elections??? Dat was exactly what i said to a bunch of 200 odd people when asked to promote myself. It was classic man. Everyone was.. "she really siao ar?" haha... but it was certainly a very cool statement to make.. n a yr on... I'm gonna say it again "I'M CRAZEe!!!"

WHY IS THAT SO???

1.Well, i'm becoming so.. because of the stupid A level results.. It's driving me nuts. I'm like so jittery over the results which are coming in CAN U BELIEVE??? 2 WEEKS' TIME!!! gosh.. it felt as though i just finished the darn exams like last week.. Now, i'm getting back the results which i dread.

2. I'm getting sick of ppl asking me where i plan to go and etc.. haha.. it's not like i have the power to choose to go anywhere lor. Though i feel like I've worked hard, if society and Cambridge markers think I'm not good enough, even if i wanted to go to NUS, I won't be able to get there any way!!!

3. I bought another phone. Samsung X460. Wasn't worth it man. It has the same functions as my Samsung E700A. Really tempted to sell both off and get a more advanced phone. But what the heck. I'll probably cry my eyes out if i lose it.

Still got many things to complain about. But feel that it isn't fair to mak you read my sorrows and problems. Not that i have many at the moment. Thank GOD for that. haha~

Gosh, if any of you are feeling CraZy.. n might do stupid things like shouting in the middle of orchard rd (actually, that seems quite normal) or anything that you'll only do in the wrong frame of mind, pls let me know.. or let.. eh.. someone know. haha~ You wouldn't want to spend your whole life regretting about something you ought not to have done, which you did in a moment of erm.. craziness.

that's all folks.

*sMiLeZZz*

Take care and God Bless.

*queen pat* 10:38 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
healing poem

DoN't ASk WHo It Is.. haHA~ coS YoU wIlL NeVeR KnOW..

At the basketball court did i see,
a guy who was charming as could be.

To get to know him would be something real bold.
But when there's messenger, Friendster and handphone,
everything would be easy even to the old.

Friendly, mischievous and humourous was he,
that everyday seemed to be happy to me.

Late night chats and occasional outings
were all enough to make me fall
for a person who was actually a pig in the making.

Shocked was i when i learnt,
he eats, sleeps and knows how to splurge.

Nothing seemed to matter to him at all,
results, achievements and even school.
Basketball was no longer a passion anymore.

After a duration of a year plus plus,
i realised i need to save my heart real fast!

From a person who seemed to be too wonderful.
From a person whom i don't even know
if the name he has is even true.

I can't believe that i have been such a fool
to willingly give my heart to him all in full

But saved it is, yes it's true
now he is part of the list of guys
who almost broke my heart - a total of only two.

Impromptu poem which i wrote.. heE!

*queen pat* 11:46 AM 0 comments

Sunday, February 13, 2005
valentines' day.... 14 feb.. is here... hahaA~

HaPPy VaLENtINE's Day!!! ~

HaAHaha~ the day that all the lovers are waiting for.. is finally here!!! Which reminds me of the song "Rainbow Connection" by Kermit the Frog.. i have no idea why! don't ask either. so everyone has a date not??? hehe... poor pat here doesn't but i'm still happy to spend the day with my Driving instructors tml (oh mi goodness, can't believe i'm sayin dat.. they r so mean lor.), my parents, my cuz and perhaps spend it with a bunch of other singles on MSN tml nite i tink. heE!

I went shopping with my whole family at Thomson Plaza today. It isn't ur typical shopping centre like Causeway, Jurong point etc.. It was more like a mall meant for family outings there.. coz there is no way a dating couple can find anything to do there except to eat in the variety of restaurants which ranged from food court to Edo Sushi. But a shop which really caught my eye had to be the florist. The shop was already busy with a couple of its workers rushing to make bouquets of flowers.... roses, lilies etc.. n there was even a bouquet of Ferrero Roche.. *woo...* the flowers would certainly dazzle a gal beyond words.. or at least a girl like me. haha~ n it's amazing how the people or the GUYS in fact are willing to splurge like $50-$100 on this occasion. haha.. it seems like a stupid qn.. it's to make the gals happy of coz! :P

Valentines' is definitely an occasion where we express our love to all our friends, lovers, family members and even enemies. hehe.. why enemies? u forget abt them for a day n concentrate on celebrating with your loved ones ma.. haha~

anyway,
- to singles out there: spend the day meaningfully with family and friends... coz they will always be there for you when times are bad or good... appreciate them.. coz ThEy RocK!!!
-to couples out there: always treasure one another and never take each other and the relationship for granted. V day may be a special day dedicated to lovers, but never forget the friends and family around you, okie?
- to everyone: Valentines' Day may not be a christian celebration and it was in fact a catholic one (names after St Valentine), we can still take this as a reminder that God Loves Us, every single one of us. :) okie?

*sMiLeZZzz*

Take Care and God Bless.

*queen pat* 8:47 PM 0 comments

Friday, February 11, 2005
my photo!!! (again)

that's me with my robocop specs.. haha~ my classmates have been such asses by giving me nicknames whenever i wear those glasses.. love my glasses lots lor.. hahaA~ Nicknames that they have come up with: 1. Robocop 2. Country Pumpkin 3. Blur Queen eh.. and wat else?? i forgot man... just tot i'll post this photo coz i love it a lot!!! haha~ bo liao la me.. hehe... c u in the next blog!

*queen pat* 10:33 PM 0 comments

tough living with other ppl?

i luv my mummy, my daddy and that disgusting lizard climbing all over my living room ceiling~

haha.. is it tough living with other ppl? well, i'm sure many ppl have their own opinions coz most of us live with someone rite? be it our family, our relatives, hostelmates and even with a stranger. The answer to my question is that, yes, it may seem tough to live with others but so long as you are tolerant and learn to accept them with a happy heart.. things may not be as tough as they seem. These few days I have learnt to treat my parents in a different way.. in a more light hearted way and that I respected their decisions and learnt to adapt to their expectations and desires. Life becomes easier to lead in this way. hahaA~

Top Ten Things To Do To Make It Less Tough To Live With Other Ppl:

10. Learn to understand them
9. Spend more time with them to know them better
8. Do not have too high expectations on them
7. Choose to be happy rather than be annoyed
6. Decide that you are not going to let them affect you
5. Open both eyes but close the mouth in an argument. (Coz you never know when u'll blah out things you never meant to say)
4. Practise Tai Ji. Direct negative energy away effortlessly by not reacting in a rash manner.
3. Think before you say
2. Respect them and their decisions
1. Be Yourself. Never try to lead others on about who you really are. (Cos in that way, if we are more truthful about the way we are and behave, others will choose to either like or dislike u w/o having to make you undergo a rollercoaster ride.)

*cHiM???* hAha~ No.1 is just telling you to be who you really are. So that people won't have wrong first impressions of you. Like they think you are an arrogant person because on your first meeting, you chose to act in a sacarstic manner. But then, in reality, you're a very nice person. In the process, the idea that ppl have of u is already wrong. Aiya actually, I don't know how to explain it in words. Bad at explaining.. even in school.. explaining of chemical reactions.. OH How i sucked at it.

I guess with the Top Ten list i think i should be able to handle the situation at home.. and not find it tough to live with others. Cos remember quote: No man is an island. We cannot be left alone and that's why we must live with other ppl amicably.. hahaA~

that's all for today folks.

*sMiLezZz*

Tk care and God Bless.

*queen pat* 10:04 PM 0 comments

I LUrVe bAsKetBaLL!!!

To show my love for basketball.. haha.. i've got 2 photos here...That's the photo of my JC basketball team.. I love the team lots coz it's because of the sport and the team members that made me feel really a part of YJ.. or else I would have suffered from, instead of home-sickness it is ACJC-sickness. HahaA~ We fought hard as a team for YJ and got the 4th position in the National A Division Basketball Competitions. N i was main 5 ok?! Memories and the pride of being part of the team can never be erased from my mind for as long as i live.. RoCk On BBaLL gERs!!! The second photo is taken after the reunion of the AISS basketball gers' outing at a neoprint shop. Haha~ Though we didn't receive as much recognition for our hard work, we still had fun as a team and training hard.. If not for them, i wouldn't have developed my love for the game... =)

*queen pat* 12:10 AM 0 comments

Thursday, February 10, 2005
wat a day~

iT's tHe sEAsON tO bE haPPy... gONg Xi gONg Xi gONg Xi Ni~!

well, today is second day of chinese new year! haha.. ang bao harvest again.. dug into food again and gosh, i'm so stuffed and I think i've put on loads of weight again.. hehe.. what to do. well, enough of chinese new year stuff.. it's boring me.. coz everyone should be spending the day in a similar way as i am.

today what really set me thinking was how relationships with other family members can be so bad that, if you were on the streets n u saw let's say your aunt, ppl won't even know you knew each other, coz u just walk pass each other w/o saying anything. i mean, external family members are not so close as they should anymore. Just like my cousin in law, if i were to see him in let's say Orchard, i won't even recognise him!!! that's coz i onli see him like once a yr during CNY. how pathetic. it's kinda sad that we don't make an effort to talk and interact with other family members, or at least I'M GUILTY of it. gosh.. =( kinda sad that i didn't make extra effort this year.. haiz~ wat to do.. it feels weird. as they say quote: it takes two hands to clap.

speaking of talking and interacting, (haha~ ppl, that sounds odd rite? speaking = talking. but wth) my folks n i haven't been really talking to each other and the only time we are doing so is when we have argued.. haiz~ it feels pathetic but it's true. i mean, man.. i really clash with them hard; in terms of our attitudes towards things like fashion, music, behaviour etc.. and also in the way we wanna live our lives.
1. I want a family life that is more engaging and to live a life which is interesting.
2. My dad wants a simple family life in which we are more spiritually involved with Christ, n just sit and watch HIS favourite TV shows. He wants to live a life where things are just peaceful and the way he wants it.
3. My mum wants a family life where, erm.. we go shopping together, watch movies, sit and relax at a high tea buffet, watch shows in Travel and Living on Cable TV. She wants a life where she is free to do whatever she wants, with someone to serve her and let her have all the say.

3 kinda of contradicting and yet have similar wishes for the life we want to live. haiz~~~

Is it really tough to live with other ppl? Why do i find it tough? haha~ questions in my head.. will answer them in next blog entry.. :P

*queen pat* 11:39 PM 0 comments

my photo!!!

well, just tot i'll post a photo of myself.. haha~ for fun i guess.. well, that's me taken just before bedtime some time last year.. lookin real sleepy i tink.. but i tink that is the nicest photo i've ever taken with my hp.. haha~ vainpot la me.. heE!

*queen pat* 10:12 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, February 09, 2005
a brand new year.. a new chapter

HappY cHiNEse New yEar!!!! HAHAa~~ goNg Xi FAi Cai!!!

though it's not the start of 2005.. i guess, to begin blogging at the start of the lunar year of the Rooster isn't too bad either. A really long break to my blogging life and a new website address to post my blog.. well, what happened to the other blog??? I am sick of it. haha~ n din like the way i felt about it. N gosh.. it's history. sad to say but yep.. it started in oct 2003.. n ended in 20dec 2004.. it's got a pretty long career.. at least, it covered 3/4 of my JC life.

2005 marks a new beginning n chapter in my life... I'm finally in the last yr of my teens.. n erm.. not schoolin but givin tuition to 2 brats.. n besides, I'm really gonna enter a new phase of my life.. 2005 will really either break or make me.. which scares me to bits.. but nonetheless, i'll trust in my one and only saviour, Jesus Christ and look to Him for guidance and strength.

Hope this new blog isn't boring u already!!! haha~ it's just that it's my new posting and just tot i'll really make an effort to update one and all about the happenings in my life and the things that r runnin' thru my head. oh ya, i'm not some kind of expert in eng so bear with the unorthodox spelling and use of language.. unless you're some english or GP teacher. hahaA~

TODAY: i went visiting as per every other cny n went on the hong bao harvest.. haha.. ran to diff parts of sg... n certainly i realised that things are really everchanging.. quote: ThE onLy tHiNg DaT is CoNsTant Is ChANGe~ Some family members have passed on and though we reminisce the times we had with them, the new ones who have just entered our lives, never fail to bring along hope and laughter which makes CNY visiting kinda a roller-coaster- feeling one for me.. Hong baos never change.. maybe just the pattern and the number i receive or even the amount in them, but still they are given for the sake of giving. haha.. oops.. i sound like a cynic already. hahaA~ but what i mean is, tradition has made us conform to ideas. CNY = hong baos. so if u don't receive hong baos in ur visitin, u'll probably walk away thinking that your CNY wasn't well spent. hahaA~ rite? so CNY = hong baos = money so... CNY = money.. wat an equation. CNY is really too commercialised la... but who cares i guess.. I'm thinking too much yet again.. *shucks*.. well, hope those thoughts provoked some of your brain nerves or cells.. if u have any that is. HAHAHAa~ just jokin. ^.^

*sMiLeZzz *

Take care and God Bless.

*queen pat* 9:28 PM 0 comments

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