Wednesday, March 30, 2005
California Fitness Rocks!
I went to California Fitness today... Haha.. it was a really interesting experience and gosh.. I am still recovering from it. It was amazing to see people who have great bods work out and man.. there sure were a few hunks there. However, they were all much older than I was. The min age to go there is 21 lor.. haha~ I'm still young wor!!! Well, sham soothu got free passes for 2 weeks to the rockin' place and it was so nice of her to include me! Hamsa came too!!! haaA~ it was really fun to hang out together... although there were many incidents where we wished we were just shot dead on the spot. Such as.. when we first entered the bathroom.. haha~ Please lor, it's not that we're naive or something.. but we never had the experience being in a room filled with women, not clad in any clothes at all.. gosh.. it was so revolting. hahaA~ I bet the guys are already drooling and wanting to know what we saw... man.. all those who want to know are chee go pek. haha~ It was really cool and fun... and I'm now freakin tired from the whole outing.. Went to NUS this morning and met YZ and HY after that in Orchard to buy peiling's birthday present. Haha.. mr piggie was at orchard emerald, having a hair cut (what a vain boy) hahaA~ Hope peiling likes the gift... heE! yaWnzzZ... sleepy already.. gdnite to everyone...... *sMiLeZZz* Take care and God Bless...
*queen pat*
1:03 AM
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Monday, March 28, 2005
updates updates!!!
haha.. I can't believe I have been missing from my blog for such a long time!!! 5 days only... but still so long!!! hahaA~ many things happened... which is why i called this entry Updates.. coz I'm gonna update you!!!!! hehe 23 Mar: Gave tuition to a new student!!!! My student is a really good and nice boy. He's so well-behaved that I find it hard that he's a boy! haha~ My impression of boys are.. rowdy, chaotic, crazy and insensitive. But this boy is so soft-spoken and talks in the tiniest voice in the world!!! I think all guys should be like him. MuahahAA~ 24 Mar: I went down to Singapore Poly to watch the SP idol of some sorts. The whole event was really cute coz it reminded me of YJC's teachers' day concert only worse with a capital W. Why did i go down for it? Coz Molly was performing as a soloist in the contest! Haha.. she was singing a song which we both sang in pri sch days.. haha Reflection by Coco Lee. The song was so sweet and I really enjoyed myself even though i was amongst the crowd of Mutts or Mats (haha~ malay boys.. typically ah bengs). Molly was actually the only chinese soloist in the concert and I was so proud of her.. Of coz I didn't endure the misery of being in a really noisy and crowded auditorium filled with inconsiderate and ah-beng-ish malay guys.. I dragged Marleen and Wei Jiun along.. hahaA~ About 10 mins into the concert, the 3 of us were like the See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil monkeys.. with our hands over our eyes, ears and mouths. Haha.. There was a point of time when me and Wei Jiun were literally screaming into each others' ears.. It was really funny. Another person I met was Jomel.. She was dressed in her office looking clothes and it was really cool. Haha.. I could actually imagine her working for some company next time. Everyone's growing up, aren't they?I met another person today.. after being in mystery about who he was.. I met Dajun! Haha.. this guy has been really freaking me out, since the first time I chat with him on MSN and I got to know him in IRC. He told me he knew who I was... saw me a couple of times in Yishun MRT.. eh.. knew most of my frens.. wat else? Haha.. could provide details of myself la.. Haha.. when I met him in SP.. he did exactly the same thing. Scared me by describing what I wore when I couldn't see him anywhere. Haha.. interesting yet mysterious. heE! 25 Mar: It was Good Friday.. But it wasn't good for me. I spent the entire afternoon doing my university applications. Till i went MAD. haha~ Ask shiva and you'll know. I don't wish to recall the incident so let's move on... 26 Mar: It was SENTOSA day!!!! HAHA.. had a class outing at that wonderful place. But something was missing, the hunks lor.. haha~ I was so sad.. didn't see a single hunk except for this guy in a dark green quiksilver cap.. he looked hot. hahaA~ And when I went to Sentosa, i saw him. When I went home, I saw him again. Hahaa.. very interesting. Well, we had loads of fun as a class at the beach.Though it poured and we got drenched.. the outing was really fun!!!! HahaA~ It was also another special day.. it was indo-guy's birthday! Haha.. I purposely didn't message him a greeting at all for the entire day.. hoping to message him at 11.59 saying," bet you thought I forgot your birthday! Happy birthday!" Eunice felt it was lame.. and she knew how much i wanted to greet him happy birthday and even call. Haha.. but i didn't. I didn't call and i even forgot to sms at 11.59. Ended up wishing him happy belated birthday. I felt so upset.. but then, his reply made me smile and even laugh! It wrote: "baka! I tot you forget... Hate you..." I just burst out laughing.. coz he seemed like a lil' boy... whom i just wanted to take good care of... I really wanted to get him a bday present but he said it wasn't necessary. Did he mean it? I wouldn't know... I wanted to ask him out for supper that nite.. but he was out with his folks. So, i didn't ask him out. And I told him about it. And he laughed. I didn't know what that laugh meant. Did it mean, "u should have just asked!"? Besides, shiva told me not to make myself so free... for him to take, play and let go.. and plunge me into misery again.. 27 Mar: was Easter Day. I went to church. and started my week anew! Praise GoD! 28 Mar: nothing much happened. Nothing interesting.. ahhaA~ Updates are over!!! Finished.. I'm tired.. hahaA~ Well, till next time. *sMiLeZzz* Take care and God bless!
*queen pat*
11:57 PM
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
When will i stop loving you???
| Artist: | N Sync | | Album: | No Strings Attached | | Title: | That's When I'll Stop Loving You |
|
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
Yeah, that's when I'll stop loving you
That's when I'll stop loving you
I'm sure you've heard these words before
And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more
You're afraid it all might end
And a broken heart is scared of breaking again
But you've gotta believe me
I'll never leave you
You'll never cry long as I am there
And I will always be there
You will never be without love
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
Oh you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
That's when I'll stop loving you yeah
As long as sunlight lights the sky
Light of love will be found in these eyes of mine (these eyes of mine)
And I will shine that light for you
You're the only one, I'll ever give this heart to
What I'm trying to say is, nothing will change this (ahh..)
There'll be no time you won't find me there (find me there)
Cause I will always be there
You will always have all my love
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever (yeah)
When lies become the truth (ohhhh)
Well you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
That's when I'll stop loving you
And when this world doesn't turn anymore
When the stars all decide to stop shining
Til then I'm gonna to be by your side
Gonna be loving you forever
Every day of my life
Ohh..baby..
Well you know then baby
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth (truth... yeah)
Well you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you (ohh..)
When winter comes in summer (yeah)
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
That's when I'll stop loving (well you know then baby)
That's when I'll stop loving you
That's when I'll stop babe
I'll stop babe
Loving you
I simply love this song to bits... I need a guy to sing this song to me man.. haha~ Definitely would make me melt and probably drop dead. hahaA~ =P It's such a perfect song... I've got good taste hor. ^.^
*smiLeZZz*
take care and God loves everyone of us!
*queen pat*
11:44 PM
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Do Somethin'!!! (my msg to U!)
| Artist: | Britney Spears |
| Album: | Greatest Hits: My Prerogative |
| Title: | Do somethin' |
Do u feel this?
I know you feel this
Are u ready?
I don't think so
Somebody give me my truck
So I can ride on the clouds
So I can turn up the base like
Somebody pass my guitar
So I can look like a star
And spend the cash like
-Bridge-
What u gonna do when the crowd goes ayo
Why u standing on the wall?
Music's starting everywhere!
So why don't u just move along?
-Chorus-
I see u looking at me
Like I'm some kind of a freak
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
I see you looking at me
Like I got what you need
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
Now you all in my grill
Cause I say what I feel
Only rock to what's real
Bump bump
But I can't do that with you
I'll be here with my crew
You can roll if you can
Don't be a punk punk!!!
I see you looking at me
Like I got what you need
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
I see u looking at me
Like I'm some kind of a freak
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
-Instrumental-
Uh huh
I see you lookin over here
Can't you tell I'm having fun?
If you know it like I know
You would stop!!!
Staring at us
And get your own space
And do something!!!
I see you looking at me
Like I got what you need
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
I see u looking at me
Like I'm some kind of a freak
Get up out of your seat
Why don't u do something?
F***!!!
Do something!!!
Why don't you do something?!
haha~ I simply love this song!!!! haha.. dun ask y.. I love britney too.. so SHUDDUP! =P
*sMiLezZz*
Take care and God Bless..
*queen pat*
11:26 PM
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Monday, March 21, 2005
i hate the guilty feeling...
guilty... so guilty... i hate feeling guilty.. hen xiang dui bu qi ta...
I'm feeling super guilty.. of many things. I feel like a major hypocrite which I seriously don't want to be. But at the same time, I feel that I can't help it.
Today, he called. Though he said he called bcoz he was bored and i threatened to hang up.. he managed to keep me on the other line for 15mins... In other words, I REALLY DO MISS TALKIN TO HIM. Although Eunice describes him in the most horrible manner (skin peeling, in need of moisturiser, not a gentleman, idiot wat else.. haha~ i tink the list goes on..), but to me.. he could make me happy.. so what? *ARgHZzz*
Okok.. It was just a harmless call which was driving ideas into my head. Point 1: He told me to quickly get my license so he could get a private tour of Singapore with me driving him around. (Ok, Private? He said he didn't want anyone else on the ride.. -_-") Point 2: He said he was graduating from his American college soon.. and asked where should he study for University.. He said he's thinking about it now.. just like how I'm thinking about which Uni to go.. (ARGHZ! is it a hint? he's gonna go to a local U? I know he'll most prob leave S'pore.. for States to study.. coz that was the initial plan.. BUT.. are things gonna change? is he staying? =S)
I chat with him on MSN a couple of days back too. We talked about SIMS 2 as usual.. that was the only thing he asks me about (SIMS 2 fun not?). I got so fed up, I told him to ask Eunice for a more enthusiastic ans. We talked about me.. my problems.. my stress. He joked abt them, annoyed me and made me laugh. Den we talked abt me having a bf. He brought it up (sucker.). And surprised me by agreeing that I was v pretty. hahaA~ Happy? U bet. But i don't know whether he was serious about it. I can't see his face on the MSN conversation, can i? I wished he was joking (so i didn't need to read between the lines of his words again n just pass it as a joke) and I also wished he wasn't (so I'd know there might be something goin' on again.. haha~)
Aiya, I also don't know what's going on in my head.. Com'on.. everyone says i deserve someone better.. From Eunice to Shiva to my god bro.. to my parents.. to my 210 classmates.. to even IRC chat pals.. who listen to my nonsense. haha~ Everyone knows how i like cute-lookin guys.. haha~ He's not exactly very good looking.. so what happened? What caused my taste to decline?
Well, I'm feeling guilty.. coz when I was really glad that he called and even called Eunice to let her know.. Lai msged. As per everyday of the past month, he asked how i was.. what i was doin.. to take good care.. n that he missed me. He seems to miss me every single day, hour and minute.. just like he said he did. His smses are so sweet and caring that I can't help it but feel that I was doted on by someone. But as I was gushing to Eunice about every single detail of the call... I felt guilty. As though i dui bu qi Lai and talked to the indo-kid again.. and gushed abt him again.. and thought of him again... and missed him again.. I didn't tell Lai abt the call.. coz I told him I'd try to forget indo-kid.. (now i have to start all over again.. BUT HOW TO? when his bday is this sat) He smsed me.. to share his happiness withme abt his project.. to tell me he was on his way home.. to tell me he missed me.. to tell me to sleep tight...
Guilt = a feeling that you feel when you have done something wrong. Did i do anything wrong?
Then why do i feel guilty? Why do I feel that I may be starting to hurt someone deeply.. soon... *siGhz..* we'll wait and see then..
*sMiLeZzz* (u smile ba. i can't smile.)
*queen pat*
11:15 PM
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Sunday, March 20, 2005
it's time to celebrate!
We're all 19 this year!!!
Gosh, how time flies.. it seemed like yesterday we were training on the grounds of our dear beloved Ahmad Ibrahim Secondary.. and running around the corridors of the old block.
We were 16 then, 19 today. Kids then, young adults today. Our teenage years are on the verge of breaking into tears as we are left with a year to enjoy them, a year to forsake them and a year to just plainly be teens. Many of our seniors have left the teenage years benchmark... while the 1986 kids are still hangin' round the block.
Today's celebration was sweet yet low-key. Joint celebration for Sang and Vanes in a way. Both are lovely march babies. Zuzz looked good in his jappy outfit and boy, am I impressed. He changed a lot.. looking more handsome and has safely moved away from his nerdy look back in AISS. Veron was dressed in a tai-tai-ish way... and Shiva and Sang, were just Shiva and Sang like I've seen them in school and at our class outings for the past 2-3 years. Vanessa was dressed to kill.. muahaha.. really liked her outfit and how she matched her clothes.
Eating at Marche with them was a really great experience, actually the whole restaurant reminded me of THE MARKETPLACE, back in Centrepoint. It closed down in the late 90s. (ANYONE HEARD OF IT?!) Used to remember my mum brought me there for meals after shopping about Orchard together. Yep, it's been a long time. I only shop with my mum a couple of times together in a year. Contradicting tastes, Conflicting ways = unhappy shopping trip. I shall not comment more.
Yesterday was fun.. and i regret to blog it only today.. coz I was dead tired when I came back. I've been really exhausted throughout this week.. coz I have been running around Singapore, giving tuition, running errands and driving that I don't have time to shop anymore. Oh, I ain't got money to shop with anymore. (Eunice knows why..) Things are different now on.. Time to save... =( No more endless ATM swapping, shopping, trying of clothes, gawking at fabulously priced items or enjoying the life and training to be a tai tai.. haha~ Hope i strike lottery soon...
*gRiNz*
*sMiLezZZ*
Take care and God Bless you all...
*queen pat*
10:15 PM
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Saturday, March 19, 2005
Disney Princesses.. make me wonder where's my prince out there???
Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine, Snow White Simple names which have caused impacts to my life. Names which are so easily recognisable by even the little ones. Stories which can last a lifetime to tell. Fantasies which are build in our little minds about our prince charming and future love life.
"Someday my prince will come" just serves to give all girls an optimistic picture of true love, marriage and happiness. Do these exist? I don't believe so. I've become such a pessimist as i grow older, that as I sat through the 2 hour show, I didn't feel as happy as I expected myself to be. To me, all these are really fairy tales. Fairy tales to feed naive children with. To put them to sleep with.. to coax them that happiness is really attainable.
Though these princesses help me in recalling the childhood which i miss a lot, I have really outgrown it. By a lot. It's either I'm on my way to being an old hag or these stories have really bored me to death.. as I can narrate most of them in precise detail. hahaA~
"Someday my prince will come" and I would need some "Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo" to help to create "a whole new world" with my prince charming. Perhaps we'll live "under the sea" and i'll be the "sleeping beauty". And we'll live happily ever after as "Beauty and the Beast".
*sMiLeZzz*
Take care and God bless... Remember that your prince/princess is out there.. a particular person on earth.. Just keep waiting... someday they will arrive without you knowing...
*queen pat*
12:37 AM
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
a year has passed...... n we're moving on...
The conversation still echoes in my head...
Kit: "Pat, did you hear the news?"
Me: " What news?"
Kit: "Suresh passed away today."
Me: "What? You must be kidding. Not funny lor."
Kit: "It's true. I even called Mr Ho."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A year later, things have changed. CTG210' 2004 have moved on... moved on to finish A levels.. moved on to receive the results... moved on to pursue further education.
All these happened in a year.
Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of a friend, a classmate and an aspiring DJ. The music dictionary, the Guru, the Ghandi look alike. He was a good friend, but someone i never did cherish coz of his laziness and inability to act as a class president. Moreover, he never ironed his uniform. Just like that, his flaws overshadowed his strengths. I missed out on knowing a friend better.
I cried my heart out on the day of his wake. Everyone knows. I cried like I've never cried before. I wailed. Till today, i can't believe it. It was my first visit to an indian funeral. It was the first time a friend had passed on so soon. It was the first time i got to see a lifeless body so close. It suddenly dawned to me that day that the body was just a shell and what lives within it- the soul.. is what makes us alive.
Today I will remember the days i spent with my class and all of my friends. And learn not to take them for granted. I learn to cherish my loved ones more.. and to even look at the people i dislike in another way.
A year has passed on... 12 months, 365 days.... time flies... treasure each day and live it like it is going to be your last. tell those you love "I love you".
*sMiLeZzZ*
Take good care of yourselves and God Bless.
That was us... the lit students *Zhen, Susu-Kambing, Kit, Sang, Sexy Mama, Terence, Shad, Me, Soothu Sham, Blackie, Me-is-i* in 2003...
*queen pat*
12:11 PM
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Monday, March 14, 2005
still confused..
confused...still confused abt ...
university life...
basketball...
friends...
relationships with others...
boys...
girls...
religion...
love...
hate...
myself...
my dreams...
my aspirations...
my goals...
*helP!!!* i hate to feel like I don't have anything to work towards. It sucks. gimme a life!!!!
*queen pat*
11:17 PM
0 comments
Thursday, March 10, 2005
What's wrong with being single? hehe
Artist:Natasha Bedingfield
Album:Single
Title:Single
Oh yeah, this is for all you single ladies out there
Yeah I'm not waiting around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No, no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand)
No I don't need another hand to make me
(Ho no ho)
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
(Da-na, ah-ha na)
I'm free to make my mind up,
you've either got it or you don't.
This is my cover: Single status
My Declaration of Independance
There's no way I'm trading places right now
With stars in mean attendance
I'm single
That's how I wanna be
I'm single
That's how I wanna be
Don't need to be on somebody's arm 2 look good
(I'm not who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just cos U say I should
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you're misunderstood
Everything in its right time
Everything in its right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But till then I like it this way
It's my way
Hey, I like it this way, hey
I hate it when people make me sound pathetic just because I'm single. Oh please.. get off my back! I'm a rockin' single chick... N i love it now... Ain't gonna trade singlehood for yet another ***tard. Chill~
*SmiLEZzz*
Take care n God Bless, single ladies out there... ^.^
*queen pat*
10:15 PM
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005
I don't wanna have kids anymore... =(
yesterday's parents were strict, today's parents are atrocious.. parents of the future are worse? I don't know .. muahahaA~ Today did i realise that parents of today are a confused bunch. Haha.. why do i say so? Coz today I just gave tuition to both my kids (Zhen Xiong n Yu Min). Their parents are perhaps about 30-40 yrs old, erm.. educated in some sense. ZX's mummy is a real pain in the ass coz she's so paranoid about her son's results. She makes it sound as though her son's Pri4 CA grades are all that she and ZX are living for. Gosh~ She criticises my teaching and even accused me of not being a experienced tuition teacher! What the heck! Gosh.. if she is so smart, she won't need a tuition teacher.. n I won't be wasting my precious 2 hours teaching a boy who treats me like trash. Man! Why do guys and even young boys treat me like trash?! Gosh~ Guys really suck. hahaA~ oops. Well, this lunatic woman screams at her children like nobody's around (I'm invisible to her i think). She scolds them and canes them. Her husband too. Gosh, I've seen ZX with cane wounds, and it is depressing. However, the boy is to blame la. Coz no matter how harshly you scold him, he is not remorseful at all. He is such a smart intelligent boy who is so irritating and really testing both his parents and MY patience. His brother is just like him. Oh GOD! help me.. (thou shalt not say God's name in vain. I have sinned!) But i really need to cry out to God for help man. Well, YM's mum is m'sian. So she isn't too picky about my teaching coz she's very appreciative that a teacher is willing to sit down with her child and teach. Her past few tuition teachers have all left coz they don't have the patience to teach her- she's a slow learner. However, she's quite harsh with her daughter at times. but not as bad as Feng Po ZX's mum. She has 5 kids in total, and all equally well behaved girls. They are sweet but I think she tends to neglect her kids and just leave them to do whatever they want. YM lacks self discipline, that's what I'm sure of. After thinking, I've decided that if i can't be a good parent, I won't be a parent at all. I mean, what is the point of having children when you are going to like abuse them verbally, physically and emotionally. They are not in this world to be our "vent your frustration on me" dummies. Children need to be loved, only then can they develop to their fullest potential. I don't know if ZX's mum loves him, but all i know is that if she goes on parenting in the way she is doing so... She's going to have a bad time when her 3 BOYS are teens. All hell will break loose. Trust me. I love children but I don't think I want to have children anymore. Gone are the days where I brag to friends that I'm gonna have 3-5 kids. Gosh.. I must have really thought that I was in this world to be a human sow. Haha~ just joking. But ya, I don't want to expose my children to possible abuse from me, the influences of the World and the pain and unhappiness present around us. I mean, I would rather live on a remote island and have lots of kids coz I know we are safe within our boundary. But com'on, when will i have $100 million to buy a whole island??? I think not in this lifetime. haha.. But anyhow, I might change my mind if ever when the time is right. But let say, I do get married in future, then I'd want a kid coz he/she is gonna be the fruit of our love. hahaAAA~ Corny. hehe.. ya... (Can't believe i typed that. haha) *sMiLeZzz*Take care and God Bless one and all.
*queen pat*
7:02 PM
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
what course to take?
I saw XY's blog today and ya... I realised that I have the same problem with her.. Don't know what course to take. SiGh... At least her scores are good.. mine are mediocre.. how?!
Law. I love law.. I love the challenge of both the course and the job. Since i was in primary 1, or since i knew what a lawyer does.. I've been telling my mum that I want to be one in the future. It's not the prestige that attracts me but what the occupation provides - a chance to help others. To me, it is a sort of payback to society.
Psychology. Man... this course seems to suit me a lot.. coz i keep thinking about things, human behaviours and stuff. Besides, I like giving advice to people.. many people told me to pursue a career in counselling and stuff coz i seem to be able to give the correct advice at the right time. haha~
Business. I wanted to take Business Admin once coz I felt that I want to help my dad with his toy business which has stagnated over the years. I want to carry on the business which my granddad started on and managed to make it a success.. until the late 90s when there were many economic downturns and bad situations. But then again, business is something in which you must have a knack in rite? I mean, even if you have the theory of Business, so long as you are unable to practise what you have learnt. There's no point rite? Besides, year in year out, there are so many business students.. both in Uni and poly.. Gosh... there's too many of them!
Sociology. This course is quite interesting coz it's really different from the other subjects where it does many real life analysis of society and their behaviour. I mean, it's quite interesting isn't it? Haha.. then again, the career prospects aren't that good as the other courses. Or so i tink.
Education (Arts/Science). EVERYONE has been telling me to pursue teaching even from sec sch days.. gosh... gimme a break. though i'm a tuition teacher, it doesn't mean i have to pursue teaching for real rite? ok.. it sounds pretty good.. I mean, i like kids, i like teaching.. but can i actually stand a class of 40 brats? When i already can't handle one for tuition??? think about it.
Nursing. My mother told me to pursue this.. in case I don't make it to Uni. Actually, it sounds like a relatively lucrative job though many people think otherwise. I feel that it's a great interactive job but then.. there are too many difficulties in the job. hahaA~ like handling the patient, dealing with birth and death in the hospital, job shifts etc.. gosh.. i'm getting tired thinkin abt it. haha~
*sigh* decisions decisions... Every single day, every single minute.. I'm making them. What to eat, where to go, what to wear, what to say.. etc. etc. It's tiring. but i have to do it. Registration for Uni ends on 1 apr.. so i nid to get on with it and decide fast. haha~
seriously, now.. i can't and won't think of anything else except going to university.. love can wait.. for a very long time... ^.^
*sMiLezZZ*
Take care one and all and God Bless.
=can you get out of my head... it's killing me... having you flashing across ma mind all the time.. is tiring and sickening...=
*queen pat*
8:39 PM
0 comments
Monday, March 07, 2005
why does it hurt so bad
I should be happy with how things are going... My AISS basketball juniors have got into top 4 of the National North Zone Basketball Competition... My A levels results are out and to my expectation.. I've found some meaning in life.. but something is troubling me... real bad...
Is it him? I think so. But why? I still don't understand how I could actually feel so deeply for him. It is the first time I felt such a way.. but at the same time, though it hurts to just let go of things and let him just be a "passing phase", I feel i must. In order not to hurt myself further.
3.jpg)
yAp.. he is in the photo.. haiZ~ won't tell u who it is.. it's for me to know.. for u to find out. hehe.. but anyhow, DON'T KPO n ask me la.. hahaA~
Anyway, someone else has tried to enter my life.. I'm a little surprised coz it was a bit sudden yet expected. He is the sweetest and nicest guy right now and someone who has been supporting me for a long time.. about 4 years? Yep, that long. He has seen me laugh, cry, joke etc. It's amazing how he has always been my silent supporter. Though i am full of praise for him now and that I used to harbour feelings for him... it is not so now. Things have changed for this past 4 years and yes, in 4 years, things can change a lot.
I feel bad that I might be missing out on someone who's really great and someone whom I know can make me happy and xing fu if I were to say no and just remain his god sis.. But at the same time, I know it's not fair to him coz I don't love him in the BGR way and it would hurt both of us in the long term. Well, I love him as my god bro.. as my big kor kor and treasure him as much as he treasures me. So, I guess it is a god bro-sis relationship for now. But who knows - things can change.
*sMiLeZzZ*
take care and God Bless.
*queen pat*
11:06 PM
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Sunday, March 06, 2005
shoes are part of my life~~~
SHOESs!!!! hahaAA~~~ gosh.. they are a must in a wardrobe.. haha~I bet a lot of girls out there agree with me lor.. shoes are a must and they actually define who you are. hehe.. like you wear different kinds of shoes to match different clothes, different moods and different styles. Like right now, the ballerina shoes are really in, practically every girl seems to own a pair. i have a pair. ^.^ oh well, shopping is my pastime and I'm really happy to go shopping for shoes.. man.. i bought like 3 pairs of shoes.. hahaA~ First is a black closed shoes which look really cool, 2nd is a beige pair of ballerina shoes.. 3rd is a brown slip-ons. HAaha.. gosh.. my dad was like "shoes again?!" well, coz practically the whole shoe cabinet is full of my mum's and my shoes. HahaA~ can't blame me and my mum though, i need shoes to match every outfit i have. +_+ heE! Need to stop here coz my dad's nagging... goin to church tml.. can't wait to sing praises and worship God tml!!! and there's NTU seminar at Suntec to go to.. haha~ another day.. yaWnzZ... *sMiLEzzZ*Take care and God Bless.
*queen pat*
12:49 AM
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Friday, March 04, 2005
it's over...
A levels... has finally come to an end... So are my BGR probs... happy happy happy... ^.^
Ok.. all those K-P-O ppl out there... haha~ you must be dying to find out how i did for the As. In case you dare not ask me about it and have been painfully wondering about it.. (actually, I am quite flattered if you are concerned about me and my results, shows that you still care for me as a friend hehe.. ) well, I got
A for Maths C,
C for Literature and Chemistry,
B3 for GP.
Is it good? Is it fantastic? Is it bad? Actually, i don't know... To me, the results are the fruit of my labour for 2 yrs in YJ. 2 yrs which i felt were well-spent despite all the
feng feng yu yu (bouts of thunderstorm and rain) at the initial months of my JC life. But i'm glad that those days have ended on a good note. JC life has been bittersweet and meaningful to me. It has been a period of my life where i learnt a lot of stuff, about God's Will, life, love and priorities.
Well, now i'm left with decisions to make.. gosh.. i just pray to God that He will lead me down the path He thinks is best for me. He knows best and I trust Him and place my faith in him...
Anyhow, after about 19 years of my life and about 12 years of education and after the A levels, I decided to come up with a Thank-You list- to thank those who have been helping me at certain points of my life.
1. My Saviour Jesus Christ. Without Him, nothing in my life would have happened. I wouldn't be sitting here typing my blog.
2. My parents. If not for them, i wouldn't be conceived and i won't be sitting here typing my blog (again).
3. My pri sch pals, Caryn and Molly. My memories of time spent with them are the clearest of my pri sch days.. They have been my best friends and still continue to have a special place in my heart even though we are in different places and pursuing different stuff.
4 . My pri sch teachers, Mdm Fitri and Mrs May Tang. Without them, I wouldn't have a good foundation for both my maths and science.
5. My sec sch teacher Mrs Jenny Teong. I have lost contact with her. She was a fantastic lady and mentor to me. She offered the best advice anyone could ever ask for. She's the one who played a great part in being my confidant and my 2nd mummy in school.
6. My sec sch pals.. pl, hy, yz, sl... The 4 of them are my best buds of sec sch days.. haha.. they hv always listened to my crap and accepted my crappiness as a trait. Sometimes, i pity them for having to endure my nonsense and also constant match making. haha~ sorry gals.
7. My JC teachers, Mr Ho, Mr Sim, Mr Spencer, Ms Lim, Mrs Kwang, Mrs Sim and Mrs Tan LY. Without them, my JC life would have been awful. They made my lessons interesting and pushed me to move on.. to do my best!
8. My YJ basketball team.. if not for them... my basketball dreams would never have come true. And i would always be remembered as a netballer than a bballer in my family.
9. JC frens... xingz, darren, mohan, charu n 210 peeps.. without them, JC life would have been much much worst. They were my pillar of support throughout these 2 years... thanks a lot.
10. my god Bros, Lai, WM and Mun. They have been such great supporters and advisors.. I think i have to pay them one of these days for all the great advice, care and concern they have given me for the past erm... 4 years or so..
11. a certain pig head. he sometimes drives me mad.. but he certainly knows how to cheer ppl on or to just give moral support through trying times.
12. Last but not least, my cousin Eunice, my aunt Sandy and my grandparents... without them, without their constant love, care and support.... i would have given up on certain things long time ago..
well, i'm sorry if i missed out on certain people who have played a great part in my life. so THANK YOU EVERYONE!
*sMileZzzZ*
take care and God Bless.
*queen pat*
11:37 PM
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-Over- Lindsay Lohan
Artist:Lindsay Lohan
Album:Speak
Title:Over
Over I watched the walls around me crumble
but its not like that will build em up again
so here your last change for redemption
So take it while it lasts because it will end
goodbye
i cant live without you
can't breathe without you I dream about you honestly
tell me that its over
because the world is spinning and I'm still living
It wont be right if were not in it together
tell me that it's over
And ill be the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know
Don't want to be the one to chase you
But at the same time your the hart that I call home
I'm always stuck with these emotions
and the more I try to feel the less I'm whole
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
My tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye
[Somehow.. this song which i heard thru TRL.. seems to sum up whatever I'm thinking about someone... haha~]
14 hours to go... to As.. :S
*sMiLEzzz*
Take care and God Bless.
*queen pat*
12:13 AM
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Thursday, March 03, 2005
New Blog Skin!!!!
gosh.. i love this blog skin... saw it while browsing through
www.blogskins.com...
Van3 Jie was the one who got me interested in changing my blogskin. It wasn't easy and a bit
ma fan.. but never mind. It's been done and boy, am I happy with it.
Leave your comments about the look of the blog and let me know if you like it. ^.^
It's less than 24 Hrs to A level results' release... Scared stiff already... Gosh.. so scary and nervous and anxious and in anticipation..
I feel as though i'm gonna stop breathing anytime. hahahaA~ Just joking.
ciao! Hear from me soon ^.^
*sMiLeZzz*
Take care and God Bless.
Here's leaving u ppl with part of the lyrics of a song,
True by Ryan Cabrera which is loved dearly by me n my cousin pam...
I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try, anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
*queen pat*
4:14 PM
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
confused
confused. so confused. very confused. A levels. where do i go after As. what do i do after As. what do i want to study. where do i want to study. where would all my friends go after As. Piano. should i pursue a diploma in music. should i continue with my piano theory lessons. what do i want to do with the certificates which i have obtained. do i want to teach piano. who wants to be taught by me. who should i teach. Computer. how do i make full use of the computer. where to download Nelly's songs. is limewire illegal. should i subscribe to movie downloads. should i download computer games which take 6 hours to download. what do i do with the computer other than to chat, type and play. how do i make full use of my dsl connection. Driving Instructors. why are my driving instructors such sexist. why do they think i am good for nothing. why do they always say i'd make a horrible driver. why do they think i'm a bimbo. how come they think i'm noisy. why are they always so mean to me. Friends. who are my true friends. how to identify hi-bye friends. where are all my primary school friends. where are all my secondary school friends. are all my friends good influences. how come my friends don't contact me unless i do so first. am i an invisible friend to others. BGR. how come i haven't met the one yet. why am i so smitten by a person who doesn't even care about me. how come i seem to be at the wrong place and the wrong time. am i supposed to make the first move. am i expected to make the first move. am i a nice girl. why do guys treat me as their buddy only. why does mr sim seem right about bgr and platonic relationships (only lit students will know what i mean.)Myself. is there something wrong with me. why do i seem to appear to people as a bimbo. why do i feel fat. do i look fat. am i fat. how come sometimes i feel i'm stupid. am i stupid. why can't i be bold, beautiful and bewitching. why do i seem to fail in many things. how come i can't see the positive side of things. why am i always thinking so much. questions... questions.. questions... where are the answers? i don't know.. perhaps only God knows and can answer. anyone who is aspiring to be a great counsellor or consultant??? try answering these questions. i'll treat you to a nice meal if you can enlighten me... hahaA~ *smiLeZzz*Take care folks and God Bless.
*queen pat*
10:11 PM
1 comments
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
the day is coming..
update on A level results release: Friday 4th March 2.30pm
The day is coming.. The day that I've been waiting for the past 2 years.. or at least for the last 3 months of my holidays. It's finally here.. yet i feel like running away from it. Just like how i run away from all my problems that i face. But somehow, I'm thankful that I still come back to them or reality.
I have mixed emotions about the whole results thingy.. coz as my blog has suggested.. this yr is a yr to either make me or break me and the A level results is a core factor in this making or breaking issue, at least to me.
actually, i don't wish to comment much in today's blog about this issue. coz.. it's too... tedious to think about it.. write about it.. much less try to picture it. haha~
so.. take care and God bless. Good luck to those getting their results.
*sMilEzzZ* even when the going gets tough..
*queen pat*
11:29 PM
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I adapted this poem.. so it doesn't seem too original.. but who cares. it's beautiful to me..
10 Things I Hate About You
I hate it when things are hard
because they start to break me apart.
I hate it when things are easy
because I feel as though I'm just filled with stupidity.
I hate it when I know you are around
because I become weak and long for you to sing me to sleep.
I hate it when you are gone
because I start missing you and longing for you to be home.
I hate it when you look me in the eye
because it just makes me die a little inside.
I hate it when I know you're not alone
because I know you are with someone i may not know.
I hate it when I can't make you happy
because your happiness means the whole world to me.
I hate to think of you all night
because I can't dream and sleep real tight,
I hate it when I know the truth
because the truth is I love you.
(Adapted from the movie, 10 Things I Hate About you. Rewritten by me.)
*queen pat*
12:00 AM
1 comments
