Friday, June 24, 2005
people judge others by achievement, character, race, religion, physical appearance, wealth and even the things they do. What does these have to do with the human being? Maybe perhaps these are the factors that actually mould the person into who he/ she is.
I was recently posed with this question by my cousin, "What is wrong with you?" when i fell for a guy last year who was not good looking, not smart, a lazy bum, insensitive and most of all, a jerk. How did we judge him as a jerk? By the way he behaves, his physical appearance and most of all, this attitude towards me. Well, I felt that i was accepting the flaws of the one i adored. But maybe, I'm wrong. I was just blinded by puppy love.
It's just that recently, i thought about what kind of person i want to be in the near future. A graduate, earning a reasonable income, able to live lavishly (not too lavishly though. more of comfortably) and maybe be married off to a guy who is on equal par with me.. Or perhaps smarter than me and more capable. The life of a tai-tai is so tempting and I know of my mum's matchmaking deals.. but never mind.
OKAY!!! Back to the main topic. Well, i was thinking about how people judge me as a person and as a stranger. I think I'm worried more of creating a first impression on the new folks I'm gonna meet in Uni. I want not to be in the IN crowd but neither do i want to be in the OUT crowd. Haha... Sometimes, I feel that my achievements aren't enough and my grades aren't gd enough, i'm not pretty and I'm not rich. I don't look chinese and I don't live a religious and have a spiritual life. I seem so DOWN THERE. I mean i seem to have self-esteem but i think I'm actually a very conscious girl. Being deemed a BIMBO recently and too frequently, I think of what kind of judgement do people pass on me. I wonder if I really am living my own life or a life that is controlled by others.
Since i was a little girl, my mum has taught me how to behave in public and the right words and behaviour to put on when in the "REAL WORLD". Now that I'm kinda old, i realised that all these are done to follow the system - the one that helps us gain a place in this hypocritical world. Outwardly, i seem like an organised person but step into the comforts of my room, you'll realise that I'm not Miss ALMOST-PERFECT anymore.
WHY AM I DOING ALL THESE? JUST TO MAKE SURE PEOPLE JUDGE ME THE WAY I WANT THEM TO?! Sometimes, i just wonder maybe this is really who i am. But, sometimes, i don't think so. In fact, I think i'm schizoprenic (did i spell it correctly?) that I have 2 personalities which are different. But if i am, i bet I'm not chatting here. I'd probably be in hougang chalet. Well, let's just say I have a lot of masks. Too many to keep count of. Haha... sad but true. I wonder which mask have u encountered?
I feel that everyone has a mask, not only me. I wonder how many do you have? Just remember that people can judge you based on their own rules and whatsoever, but most importantly LOVE YOURSELF. I know I do. I really really do.
*SmiLeZzz*
Take care and God bless.
*queen pat*
10:19 PM
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
clueless
i'm clueless..
a typical bimbotic feeling or mode I am always in when i dunno what i'm supposed to do..
am I really on my way to become a bimbo?
just hope that clement isn't correct that I'm slowly evolving to become one.
Gosh, time really has flown and it's gonna be july in a week or so... after which i would be deemed BUSY, BUSY n BUSIER. haiZZ~~ Uni life is gonna start soon.. and something tells me I haven't really rested at all during this long break. It seems as though, I have really ladden myself with even more responsibilities and troubles just before my uni life starts...
Am i the only one feeling that way??? gosh. I hope not.
Wondering why I'm often not online? Haha.. that's coz I've been shuttling between my home and my grandma's home and am a migrant. Haha.. I may be staying with my grandma for a nite and off to my own home the next. Kinda cool but tiring too...
But it doesn't matter. I know it will make my grandparents happy. That's all that matters.
*SmIlEzzZ*
Take care and God Bless.
*queen pat*
11:54 PM
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Thursday, June 16, 2005
What is fashion?
Fashion, a word which may mean the world to teenagers, office girls and even teachers... What is so important about the word?
Well, recently, i was troubled over something... but is linked to the idea of fashion.
Do we live to dress or do we dress to live? Sounds familiar?
Haha.. it actually is similar to the "Do we eat to live? Or live to eat?" That question is posed to many dieting freaks, heck-care-i'm-gonna-eat-till-i-die freaks.. So now, I'm posing the earlier question to those who are constantly chasing after the latest fashion; be it the latest clothing fashion (jap wear, bohemian, plain ripping ur clothes apart, surfer gal look), IT gadget fashion (handphones, PDAs, 3G gadgets) or even artiste fashion (lin jj,angela, lindsay,5566 etc..).
About what I was troubled about, it was about the clothes. Clothes are coverings which we put on to protect our modesty and for the sake of keeping warm and being comfortable. But recently, i found myself going after clothes because they were "in", fashionable and EVERYONE SEEMED TO HAVE A PIECE OF THAT!
That is the inevitable stress of mankind of being in the "in crowd", being accepted and able to mix into society without fail. Everyone wants to make sure that they are dressed to the nines, not looking sloppy and most importantly, not looking like a country pumpkin. They seem to follow trends blindly.. e.g. when the Mickey Mouse tees became fashionable and no longer deemed childish, the whole town seemed to caught on with the wave and dived straight in. Soon, the whole town seemed to have a piece of a mickey tee in their wardrobe. Tell me, which one of u doesn't?
I know some people who busy themselves to earn loads of money to be able to splurge on clothes and to be dressed in the latest trend. However, in time to come, they realise that that set of clothes is left in the shelf or even worst, worn to bed. It seems as though it is a sin to wear something that is not in fashion.
Back to the question of "Do we live to dress?", I know some people who are living to dress. People like models, fashion designers feel that it is only when they dress up that they live and feel alive. Actually, i think I'm getting myself confused with the idea already.
However, "do we dress to live?", I believe some people do. They dress to feel accepted. Like some people actually dress in branded goods because 1. it makes them feel accepted as a upper class citizen 2. they like to "show off" in their designer wear 3. they like the feeling of being dorned in great quality clothes 4. dressed in unique designs which not every single person has. They live the life which their clothes determine them to be. Haha...
I'm still confused with my idea. Perhaps coz it's really late already and I'm falling asleep. Sorry for the poor attempt. Anyway, I'm just trying to say, "FASHIONS ARE NOT WORTH CHASING AFTER!!! oh gosh... ^.^ "
*sMiLezzz*
Take care and God bless..
*queen pat*
11:21 PM
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Sunday, June 12, 2005
tired...
i'm tired
exhausted
beat
lethargic
wat else... just plain sick and bored. haha...
SAVE Me~~!!!
take care and God bless...
*queen pat*
9:11 PM
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Monday, June 06, 2005
i've lost..
i've lost... my grandfather...
i've lost... my happiness...
i've lost... my motivation...
i've lost... my joy...
now.. i have lost a guy who really loved me...
not because he stopped loving...
because i did.
i may regret the decision i made, i may regret letting him go... but i would hate myself more... if i failed to fulfill the promises i made to my grandfather... and the committment i have towards them.
sometimes, i need to sacrifice things along my journey of life to get to where i want to be...
and this time... i chose to sacrifice you..
sorry... no matter wat, u'll always be a brother to me...
take care and God bless....
*queen pat*
5:42 PM
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