I'm a gal who's patiently waiting for the big 21 to arrive and basically a typical stressed-out student in Uni. Uni takes up about 50% of my life and thankfully the other half is taken up by God, my family and friends and my dearest sweetest, nicest "Teddy Bear, Clown, Entertainer and Lovable Sweetie".. Am thankful to God for everything and for the people around me... Loves sports and Life!!! CARPE DIEM!!!
hobbies
playing basketball
watching movies and tv programmes
collecting cute stuff especially star themed ones..
loves & hates
loves God!!!
loves family members (like duh!)
loves blue, brown, black, yellow, pink, light green
loves to eat and enjoy life
loves listening to music
loves dancing
loves sun-tanning
loves reading
loves sports like basketball and netball
loves shopping!!!
loves catchin' movies
loves drinkin' (lol. all sorts of beverages!!!)
loves makin' frens
loves hangin' out with frens
loves my galfrens
hates heartbreakers!! ): *humph*
hates liars and losers
hates hypocrites
hates empty promises
hates bitches who make use of ppl
hates things that make friends miserable
wishlist good health and happiness
get into NUS/NTU/SMU get chance to do Degree with Honors
graduate from University
get driving license lose weight to XX
a car (any model la!!!)
complete slamdunk series comics
go for nus union camp!!! C.A.P. 4 and above
a pair of birkenstocks a pair of levis
go on exchange to germany for dear to be happy
go on holiday with dear
have a great holiday
visit Zoo
set up a-day-with-us.blogspot.com have a great new year have a great 21st bday! new hp
set up patricialin.com
Monday, March 21, 2005
i hate the guilty feeling...
guilty... so guilty... i hate feeling guilty.. hen xiang dui bu qi ta...
I'm feeling super guilty.. of many things. I feel like a major hypocrite which I seriously don't want to be. But at the same time, I feel that I can't help it.
Today, he called. Though he said he called bcoz he was bored and i threatened to hang up.. he managed to keep me on the other line for 15mins... In other words, I REALLY DO MISS TALKIN TO HIM. Although Eunice describes him in the most horrible manner (skin peeling, in need of moisturiser, not a gentleman, idiot wat else.. haha~ i tink the list goes on..), but to me.. he could make me happy.. so what? *ARgHZzz*
Okok.. It was just a harmless call which was driving ideas into my head. Point 1: He told me to quickly get my license so he could get a private tour of Singapore with me driving him around. (Ok, Private? He said he didn't want anyone else on the ride.. -_-") Point 2: He said he was graduating from his American college soon.. and asked where should he study for University.. He said he's thinking about it now.. just like how I'm thinking about which Uni to go.. (ARGHZ! is it a hint? he's gonna go to a local U? I know he'll most prob leave S'pore.. for States to study.. coz that was the initial plan.. BUT.. are things gonna change? is he staying? =S)
I chat with him on MSN a couple of days back too. We talked about SIMS 2 as usual.. that was the only thing he asks me about (SIMS 2 fun not?). I got so fed up, I told him to ask Eunice for a more enthusiastic ans. We talked about me.. my problems.. my stress. He joked abt them, annoyed me and made me laugh. Den we talked abt me having a bf. He brought it up (sucker.). And surprised me by agreeing that I was v pretty. hahaA~ Happy? U bet. But i don't know whether he was serious about it. I can't see his face on the MSN conversation, can i? I wished he was joking (so i didn't need to read between the lines of his words again n just pass it as a joke) and I also wished he wasn't (so I'd know there might be something goin' on again.. haha~)
Aiya, I also don't know what's going on in my head.. Com'on.. everyone says i deserve someone better.. From Eunice to Shiva to my god bro.. to my parents.. to my 210 classmates.. to even IRC chat pals.. who listen to my nonsense. haha~ Everyone knows how i like cute-lookin guys.. haha~ He's not exactly very good looking.. so what happened? What caused my taste to decline? Well, I'm feeling guilty.. coz when I was really glad that he called and even called Eunice to let her know.. Lai msged. As per everyday of the past month, he asked how i was.. what i was doin.. to take good care.. n that he missed me. He seems to miss me every single day, hour and minute.. just like he said he did. His smses are so sweet and caring that I can't help it but feel that I was doted on by someone. But as I was gushing to Eunice about every single detail of the call... I felt guilty. As though i dui bu qi Lai and talked to the indo-kid again.. and gushed abt him again.. and thought of him again... and missed him again.. I didn't tell Lai abt the call.. coz I told him I'd try to forget indo-kid.. (now i have to start all over again.. BUT HOW TO? when his bday is this sat) He smsed me.. to share his happiness withme abt his project.. to tell me he was on his way home.. to tell me he missed me.. to tell me to sleep tight...
Guilt = a feeling that you feel when you have done something wrong. Did i do anything wrong? Then why do i feel guilty? Why do I feel that I may be starting to hurt someone deeply.. soon... *siGhz..* we'll wait and see then..
*sMiLeZzz* (u smile ba. i can't smile.) *queen pat*
11:15 PM
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